i managed to retrieve my old wordpress back. i forgot about it until i tried to register “misskristine” only to tell me it was already taken. Out of curiosity, i searched the url to see who has my username of interest so i can tell the bitchface to give it up but oddly enough, that bitchface was me. Tough part was guessing which email address i used & god knows how much i have of those. Thanks to you ms. curiosity i now have my WP account back!
Originally, I was going to get my brother to set it up on my misskristine.net domain but i guess he’s engaged in other priorities. Priorities like being a couch potato and the inactivity of self. I tried doing it myself only to chunk my mouse at the computer screen and complain on twitter how much of a headache it was giving me. & instead of getting thrown a “hey i’ll help you” reply i get a “NOOB!”. Trying to discover any speck of patience in me to understand how it all works is unpleasant to my learning abilities right now. i’ll just stick with the simplicity of things.
on to my week…
first off, i want to tell mother nature how much i appreciate the gorgeous weather we’ve been having so far this week. i actually get cold when night falls but it’s a refreshing change from the scorching summer this year. second, i have not been at my best (physically & mentally) this week but still manage to smile & find positivity somewhere, anywhere to boost me up a little because well, i just don’t do the whole look-at-me-i-feel-bad-boo-hoo drama so everyone can ask what’s wrong. no thank you. i would’ve jump started my career path towards being a circus clown looong time ago if i wanted attention. and third, exploring with ramen noodles is the best thing i’ve done all week. maybe i’ll share it sometime.
anywho, this is where i’ll be updating most of the time. and here. i don’t do facebook because it’s stalker-friendly.
keep a notebook and write of your life
on a sunny day, on a rainy day
write all the words that swim in your mind
someday you may need a record
a reminder of the times when you loved
laughed, cried, yelled, smiled, destroyed
after all, emotions are only momentary
though some moments last longer than others
these sparks are the reasons for living
unpredictable as the summer’s weather
when and where will we begin to realize
that even pain is dangerously beautiful
do you ever look for anything deeper in life than having good time or meaningless relationships with people, simply because of what they are and not who they are on the inside? do you make yourself look happy on the exterior in an attempt to convince yourself that you are just as happy on the inside? i think you do a good job convincing yourself that there is no more to life than what you see on the outside, but you were not always this way. there used to be more to you and it’s saddening to see that it died. or buried. or maybe it is dead and buried. the rainy day funeral done and over with. a fresh mound on a grave and the rain steaming up from the hot ground and upturned black soil. maybe that blackness is all you see anymore because that blackness is you, and you are plaguing yourself wasting away while you are doing something with your life, but doing nothing with yourself. i wish you could only see yourself in the mirror that is my eyes. in doing so you’d realize and you would want to change. i know i am as far from perfect as one can get but i know who i am and i know what love. i only wish you could see these things through my eyes and through my heart and i want you to know that these things are there for you to take if only you look in the right places. they are waiting for you. perhaps, eventually you will get tired of filling your soul with garbage and begin to a search for gold because you will discover that you never had to look very far. and in that moment you will become the richest person in the world
lover, long-time true-friend, and nothing else.
every once in a while i’m able to identify
the stagnant, rotting parts of my life.
i cut them out with sharp blade and steady hand
keep one foot out the door.
when you run out of things to offer, blink
and all traces of you will be gone.
i am cleaning out my life.
picking bad people out like burrs from clothing
organizing and re-organizing my room
licking envelopes and spending more time with words
abandoning used-to-be’s and meeting more real-life beauties daily
accepting my vices and letting guilt flow in, but then quickly
It’s funny. You think when you enter the adult world, things you expect as a child/teen disappear. Like “rumors” or “shit talking”, especially the faceless kind.
I guess not. I guess I just expected too much entering the adult world.
on a lovelier note… it’s mom’s bday.
I love this woman more than life itself
Happy Birthday, wonder woman!
I’m giving you this last chance to prove yourself.
And I hate that. I hate that you have to “prove” yourself to me.
Because no one has to ever prove themselves to anyone.
In this case though, it’s understandable.
Chances. I’ve handed them to you over and over and over and over….
Chances to fix things.
Chances to make it work.
Chances to apologize.
Chances to redeem yourself.
Chances to keep me around.
Chances to mess up again and again.
I know I’ve said it before but here I am saying it again.
Here’s your chance.
Your chance to gain my friendship back.
Sometimes in a cross-road situation you have got to be cruel just to be kind.
You have got to let something go even if you don’t want to, to keep something that appears to be more worth it.
You have got to close all the possibilities with one thing, to focus on another.
You have got to learn that you can’t have everything in life, and eventually you’ve got to weed it out and ask yourself which one is more worth it in the long run.
It’s sort of like shopping. You may see an expensive shirt that’s gorgeous to the eye, and on the surface it appears to be worth every penny, and you try it on, and it feels “just right” and its a different style from all the other shirts you’ve ever tried on…But really do you want to spend a fortune on something that you aren’t sure of? and may possibly damage in the future? Or would you choose something that is just as gorgeous to the eye and feels just as “right” but its more practical and useful in the long run?
Eventually you’ll probably pick the latter, and you will keep thinking of the previous for a while. Then you’ll forget about it, until you see it on someone else and wish…damn I wish I got that instead.
So although what “you got to” do is important, what you “want to do” even more important. You got to make sure its not going to be something you regret. If you’re going to do something make sure you know what you’re doing, and that you’ve thought it through.
So often I tell others to do what they feel is right and what they truly want. Yet when it comes to my situation I can barely go near that topic of discussion. When I do find a way…its not even for what I want, but its for the sake of not causing more drama and complications.
I hate my pride.
Cause in the end, its still my pride that keeps me from saying what I’ve always meant to say.
and what I said is not what I mean at all.
sometimes you got to be cruel just to be kind.